For so many, sex seems like the missing puzzle piece. Christians
are not any more immune to this thinking than unbelievers. It’s a challenge to
respect God’s design for sex without idolizing or demonizing it. And we are
easily caught up in “if only” thinking. If only...we could experience it more
often, differently, with someone else, or at all, then we would finally be
complete. Whole. Satisfied. Some of us have even been told that sex is the only
way to truly understand intimacy with Christ, making marriage an awfully
attractive goal.
The following articles will challenge and encourage you whether
you are single, divorced, widowed, married, same-sex attracted, or just plain
lonely. I don’t endorse every idea in these pieces, but I do believe each one
is worth the read.
From Sex is More and
Less Important Than You Think by Trevin Wax:
To a society that says, “Sex is nothing,” we say, “It’s much more
serious than you think.” But our society also says “Sex is everything. This is
where I get my identity, my fulfillment, my life.” To
this, we say, “Sex is less serious than you think. You are pinning too many
hopes on sex.”
Many people today believe that the purpose of human life and the
measure of human flourishing is in the freedom to express oneself, to
deliver one’s unique inner essence to the world by “being true to yourself.”
Apply this expressivist philosophy to sexuality, and you wind up with a society
in which sexual self-expression becomes vital for happiness. To
question the validity of someone’s sexual attractions or practices is to call
into question their personhood, to do damage to their identity, to radically dehumanize
them by submitting their desires to scrutiny.
In response to this idea, the Church must say, “Human dignity
means you are not defined by your sexual attraction.” Staking your
identity in sexuality or pinning your hopes for happiness on sex is too low of
a goal for a human being made in God’s image.
In this case, we put sex in its place — not by saying “sex is no
big deal” but by telling people, “you are so much more than your sexuality.” We
will not reduce our human self-understanding and self-expression to sexual
urges. It’s not that we diminish sex, but that we elevate human dignity.
From My Gay Roommate by
Eric Teetsel
Tim vacillated between acceptance of his sexual inclinations and
the greater calling of his faith for years before finally finding rest in the
decision to let Jesus be enough. That arduous journey was made much, much more
difficult by voices from within the Church encouraging him to embrace his
inclination to homosexuality.
From Celibate gay
Christian leader urges faithful to ‘normalize’ committed friendships by
Jonathan Merritt (interviewing Wesley Hill):
Wesley Hill says:
I don’t want to say that friendship is a substitute for erotic
love. They’re definitely different things. In the historic Christian
understanding, erotic love is about one spouse complementing the other spouse
who is sexually “other.” When the two partners come together, their love opens
them to new life—to the “one flesh” of a child. Friendship isn’t like that.
Friendship is about two people coming together not for romance or procreation
but for companionship, for mutual encouragement, and for serving the wider
community. So a celibate person does give up one form of intimacy. But
that doesn’t mean he or she gives up intimacy altogether.
From An Open
Conversation on Mixed Orientation by Preston Sprinkle
(interviewing Brian and Monica Gee):
Monica Gee says:
During that time, we realized that in our marriage, we were both
being called to live with form of suffering if our relationship was to
continue. I say ‘called’ because it certainly wasn’t our choice, and yet it was
exactly where God had directed our lives. In remaining faithful, Brian suffered
by not experiencing the fulfillment of many of his physical and emotional
needs. And by remaining in our marriage, I suffered by having my deepest fears
realized and feeling a deeply painful form of rejection. We both realized that
this suffering wasn’t going to be temporary and would probably never find
resolution in our lifetime. And yet, this common suffering that we experienced
united us to Christ’s suffering and to each other in an inexplicable way. We
began to take solace in this unity, a unity that would become a keystone for
our life and work together in the years that have followed.
Brian Gee says:
But what is at the foundation of a Christian marriage except the
charge for both spouses to continually serve and sacrifice for one another as Jesus
both served and submitted to the Father, even in the face of certain failure,
pain, weakness, or suffering. We know that as humans we do fail, we will be
hypocrites, and we will cause those we love pain. Like anyone, I’m not exempt
from that, and no amount of self-protection will change that reality. So when
real sexual hurts and unspeakable relational betrayals go unforgiven or even
unaddressed, it’s not the initial incompatibility that makes the relationship
insolvent; it’s the progressive lack of willingness of one or both spouses to
lay down his or her own desires for the sake of the other, especially in the
face of certain future pain.
From Sex and the
Single Woman by Fabienne Harford:
It might be that the pain of a life without physical intimacy was
part of what equipped Paul to proclaim through the Spirit that to die is gain.
To die is to gain a glorified body that feels and experiences the truth that
all our needs are met in Jesus. To die is to gain the heavenly reality that
earthly intimacy can only reflect in shadows. To die is to gain full oneness
with God, fullness of joy, and pleasures forevermore.
This pain has blessed me by forcing me to be all in with God:
banking on him for my joy. Our God is a God of pleasure. He is not calling us
to hunger because he wants us to be miserable. He is calling us to hunger
because he wants us to experience the greatest pleasure available to man:
himself.
Nothing sounds as foolish to the world as a person who would
pursue purity, not out of some sense of religious obligation, but out of a
faith that there is a greater pleasure in store for those who would trust in
the Creator. Nothing makes God look as beautiful as when we, who have tasted his
goodness, would use our lives to testify that we will forego any momentary joy
in order to taste more of him.
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